MY FAVORITE JOKES
when a new Pope is elected,
there are rituals and ceremonies
that must be observed.
One tradition abounds with mystery.
After the new Pope is enthroned,
the chief Rabbi seeks an audience.
He is shown into the Pope's presence,
and presents him with a silver tray
bearing a deep red velvet cushion,
on which lies an ancient parchment envelope.
The Pope symbolically makes a gesture of rejection.
The Rabbi retires, taking the envelope with him
and does not return until the next Pope is elected.
John Paul II was intrigued by this ritual
and the fact that its origin was unknown.
He instructed the best scholars of the Vatican
to research it, but they came up with nothing.
The time came and the Rabbi offered the envelope.
The Pope faithfully enacted the ritual rejection,
but as the Rabbi turned to leave, he called him back.
"Rabbi," the Pope whispered, "I must confess
that we Catholics are ignorant of the meaning
of this ritual enacted for centuries between us.
I have to ask you, what does all this concern?"
"Alas," the Rabbi shrugged.
"We have no more idea than you.
The origin of the ceremony is lost
in the mists of ancient history."
"Let us retire to my private chambers,"
suggested the Pope.
"We will enjoy a glass of
wine,
and if we are both in agreement,
we will open the envelope
and reveal the secret."
Fortified in their resolve by the wine,
they opened the ancient parchment envelope.
The Rabbi�s hand trembled as he removed
a folded sheet of similar ancient parchment.
As the Pope peered over his shoulder
he slowly unfolded the ancient document.
They both gasped with great surprise.
There before them in the Rabbi�s hand was
the innkeeper�s bill for The Last Supper!
"Did God make you, Grandpa?" Asked the granddaughter.
"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered.
Minutes later, the little girl asked him,
"Did God make me too?"
"Yes, He did," the old man answered.
The little girl seemed to study her grandfather
and her own reflection in the mirror. After a while
the little girl turned to the old man.
"You know, Grandpa," she said,
"God is doing a lot better job lately!"
THE COOKIE THIEF
By Valerie Cox
A woman was waiting at an airport one night,
With several long hours before her flight.
She hunted for a book in the airport shop,
Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.
She was engrossed in her book, but happened to see,
That the man beside her, as bold as could be,
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag between,
Which she tried to ignore, to avoid a scene.
She read, munched cookies, and watched the clock,
As the gutsy "cookie thief!" diminished her stock.
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,
Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice, I'd blacken his eye!"
With each cookie she took, he took one too.
When only one was left, she wondered what he'd do.
With a smile on his face and a nervous laugh,
He took the last cookie and broke it in half.
He offered her half, as he ate the other.
She snatched it from him and thought, "Oh brother,
This guy has some nerve, and he's also rude,
Why, he didn't even show any gratitude!"
She had never known when she has been so galled,
And sighed with relief when her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed for the gate,
Refusing to look back at the "thieving ingrate."
She boarded the plane and sank in her seat,
Then sought her book, which was almost complete.
As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise:
There was her bag of cookies in front of her eyes!
"If mine are here," she moaned with despair,
"Then the others were his and he tried to share!"
Too late to apologize, she realized with grief,
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief!
An engineer dies and finds himself at the pearly gates.
St. Peter checked his book of life and said,
"Ah yes, you are an engineer
and you are in the wrong place."
Then the engineer finds himself at the gates of hell
and Charon let him go right on in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied
with the level of comfort in hell,
and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they have air conditioning,
flush toilets and escalators.
The engineer is getting to a very popular fellow!
One day, God said to Satan on the telephone,
"So, how are things down there in hell?"
"Things are going great!" Satan replied brightly.
"We have gotten air conditioning,
flush toilets and escalators!
There is no telling what this engineer
is going to come up with next!"
"You have an engineer!" God replied.
"There has been some mistake.
He should not be there with you.
Send him right up here on the next shuttle!"
"No way," said Satan. "I like having an engineer
on the staff, and I'm keeping him!"
"Send him back up here," warned God. "Or I will sue."
"Yeah, right!" Satan chuckled.
"And just where do you think
you are going to find a lawyer?"
Two nuns were outside the convent selling cookies.
One of them is known as Sister Fret
and the other is known as Sister Logic.
It is getting dark and
they are still far from the convent.
"Have you noticed," said Sister Logic.
"that a man has been following us?"
"Yes, I wonder what he wants," said Sister Fret.
"It is only logical to conclude
that he wants to rape us," said Sister Logic.
"Oh, no! At this pace," cried Sister Fret.
"He will reach us in 15 minutes!"
"The only logical thing to do," said Sister Logic
"is to start walking faster."
"It is not working!" Whimpered Sister Fret.
"It is only logical that the man
is walking faster," said Sister Logic.
"At this pace," cried Sister Fret,
"he will reach us in less than a minute!"
"The only logical thing to do is for us
to split up," said Sister Logic.
"You go that way and I will go this way.
He cannot follow both of us."
The man decided to go after Sister Logic.
Sister Fret arrived at the convent later
and became anxious because
Sister Logic has not arrived yet.
Finally, Sister Logic arrived, calm and serene.
"Thank God you are here!" cried Sister Fret.
"Can you tell us what happened?"
"Most certainly," said Sister Logic.
�Since it was logical the man
could not follow both, he came after me.
I ran as fast as I could
and logically, the man ran as fast as he could."
"Oh, no!" said Sister Fret. "What happened then?"
"The only logical thing," said Sister Logic. "He caught me."
"What on earth did you do?" Asked Sister Fret.
"I did the only logical thing to do," said Sister Logic.
"I lifted my dress up."
"Oh Sister!" gasped Sister Fret. "What did the man do?"
"He did the only logical thing," said Sister Logic.
"He pulled his pants down."
"Saints preserve us!" cried Sister Fret. "What happened then?"
"Now, Sister, is it not logical," said Sister Logic.
"that a nun with her dress up runs much faster
than a man with his pants down."
~#*@&%>?~
A young man traded his lawnmower for a preacher�s bike.
Shortly afterward, the young man
was riding through the neighborhood
and noticed the preacher in his front yard
pulling on the lawnmower starter cord.
"How�s it going, Preacher?" Called the young man.
"Not too good," the preacher said.
"I have been pulling on this starter cord
for the better part of 30 minutes with no luck at all!"
"I forgot to tell you, preacher," said the young man.
"You have to cuss it a little."
"Oh dear no," said the preacher.
"I have forgotten all I ever knew
about cussing when I became a preacher!"
"Just keep pulling on that cord, preacher!"
The young man said.
"It�ll all come back to you!"
Jesus was strolling on a village street one day
when a beautiful young woman brushed by him
and collapsed against a nearby wall.
"Stone Her! Stone her!" Cried an angry crowd
converging on the helpless woman.
"What has she done?"
Jesus asked as he moved
between the young woman and the angry crowd.
"Adultry! She has committed adultry!" Came the reply.
"Let one of you who is without sin cast the first stone."
Jesus said holding out a single stone.
One attractive, middle aged woman
stepped forward and took the stone from his hand.
Jesus looked at her sternly,
"Mother! You are really beginning to get on my nerves!
Danny Ventura, a notorious womanizer,
died and went straight to hell.
Satan shook his hand welcoming him to the underworld,
and led him down a long hallway with many doors.
" Here we are," he said and opened the door
to a spacious, luxuriously furnished room
with all the creature comforts one could imagine,
and many beautiful girls.
"This is where you will spend eternity.
Anything you want just ask for it."
Danny was that much surprised at his good fortune,
and thanked Satan as the door closed
behind the departing Prince of Darkness.
Several days later, Satan returned to the room
to inquire about Danny's circumstances.
"Everything is just great," Danny said.
"Except every time I reach out
to touch one of the girls, she disappears!"
" Yes! I know, Danny Boy!" Satan smiled.
"That's the hell of it!"
Father Paul was strolling about heaven with Jesus
one day when they looked down on
an immense golf course in county Cork in Ireland.
"Just look at him, will you!" Father Paul exclaimed.
"There is Father Clancey playing golf on Sunday again!
He knows it is against all the rules of the parrish,
and he has sneaked around
and gotten away with it for years!"
"Perhaps we should punish him," mused Jesus.
They continued to watch as Father Clancey proceeded
to play a perfect game of 18 hole-in-one shots!
"But..but..." sputtered Father Paul.
"You've let him play a perfect game,
an impossible, perfect game!"
"Yes, Paul," said Jesus.
"But just who is he going to tell?"
Preacher Bryan was weaving from side to side
while driving down the road
when Officer Duffey pulled him over.
"Reverend, is everything okay?"
Duffey said as he peered into the car.
"Sure," said Preacher Bryan. " I'm just a little tired."
The officer spotted a bottle
in the front seat beside Preacher Bryan.
"What's that?" The officer asked.
"Oh, just a bottle of water."
"Better let me see it."
Preacher Bryan handed him the bottle,
and the officer unscrewed the cap.
"Reverend!" Duffey exclaimed. "This is wine!"
"Praise the Lord!" Preacher Bryan cried.
"He's done it again!"
THE REVEREND�S WIFE
TELLS ABOUT HER DAY
The other day I went to town where I saw a
"Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker.
I bought it and put it
on the back bumper of my car.
I am really glad that I did,
because a
very uplifting experience followed.
I was stopped at the light
on a very busy business intersection,
lost in thought I didn�t notice
that the light changed.
That bumper sticker really worked!
I found lots of people who love Jesus!
Why the fellow just in back of me
started to blow like crazy!
He must really love Jesus
because pretty soon he leaned
out his window and yelled
"Jesus Christ!" as loud as he could.
It was like a football game
with him shouting
�Go, Jesus, Go!�
Everyone else started honking too,
so I leaned out my window and waved
and smiled to all those lovely people.
There must have been a fellow
from Florida back there
because I could hear him yelling
something about a sunny beach.
And I saw him waving a funny way
with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I had recently asked my boys what that meant.
They kind of squirmed,
looked at each other,
giggled a lot and told me
it was the Hawaiian good luck sign.
So remembering that
I leaned out my window
and gave him the good luck sign back.
A couple of people were so caught up
in the joy of the moment
that they got out of their cars
and were walking toward me.
I bet they wanted to pray,
but just then I noticed the light
had changed and I stepped on the gas.
It�s a good thing I did,
because I was the only car
to get across the intersection.
I looked back at them standing there.
I leaned out the window,
gave them a big smile
and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign
one more time as I drove away.
My goodness! Such wonderful folks!
I took the day off work to play golf.
I was on my way to the second hole
when I noticed this frog sitting on green.
I was about to swing when I heard,
"Gribbitt, 9 iron!"
I look around and saw no one.
I looked at the frog, grabbed the 9 iron and Swack!
I hit the ball 10 inches from the cup!
Wow! That is amazing! You must be a lucky frog!
The frog said, "Gribbitt, lucky frog!"
I decide to take the frog with me for luck.
By the end of the day, with the frog�s tips
I had played the best game of golf of my life.
I picked up my lucky frog and headed for Las Vegas
to the nearest roulette table.
What do you think, Frog?
The frog replied, "Gribbitt, 3000 on the black 6!"
Whammo! Tons of cash come sliding across the table!
I took my winnings and bought the best room in the hotel.
Frog, I said setting it down on the night table.
how do I ever repay you?
And the frog said "Gribbitt, kiss me!"
And I thought, sure! Why not?
So I kissed the frog
and it turned into a lovely young girl.
And that, your honor, is precisely
"how that 15 year old girl got in my room!"
Your sense of humor
will pull you through the bad times!MORE TO COME!
![]()
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By Valerie Cox
A woman was waiting at an airport one night,
With several long hours before her flight.
She hunted for a book in the airport shop,
Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.
She was engrossed in her book, but happened to see,
That the man beside her, as bold as could be,
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag between,
Which she tried to ignore, to avoid a scene.
She read, munched cookies, and watched the clock,
As the gutsy "cookie thief!" diminished her stock.
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,
Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice, I'd blacken his eye!"
With each cookie she took, he took one too.
When only one was left, she wondered what he'd do.
With a smile on his face and a nervous laugh,
He took the last cookie and broke it in half.
He offered her half, as he ate the other.
She snatched it from him and thought, "Oh brother,
This guy has some nerve, and he's also rude,
Why, he didn't even show any gratitude!"
She had never known when she has been so galled,
And sighed with relief when her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed for the gate,
Refusing to look back at the "thieving ingrate."
She boarded the plane and sank in her seat,
Then sought her book, which was almost complete.
As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise:
There was her bag of cookies in front of her eyes!
"If mine are here," she moaned with despair,
"Then the others were his and he tried to share!"
Too late to apologize, she realized with grief,
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief!
An engineer dies and finds himself at the pearly gates.
St. Peter checked his book of life and said,
"Ah yes, you are an engineer
and you are in the wrong place."
Then the engineer finds himself at the gates of hell
and Charon let him go right on in.
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied
with the level of comfort in hell,
and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they have air conditioning,
flush toilets and escalators.
The engineer is getting to a very popular fellow!
One day, God said to Satan on the telephone,
"So, how are things down there in hell?"
"Things are going great!" Satan replied brightly.
"We have gotten air conditioning,
flush toilets and escalators!
There is no telling what this engineer
is going to come up with next!"
"You have an engineer!" God replied.
"There has been some mistake.
He should not be there with you.
Send him right up here on the next shuttle!"
"No way," said Satan. "I like having an engineer
on the staff, and I'm keeping him!"
"Send him back up here," warned God. "Or I will sue."
"Yeah, right!" Satan chuckled.
"And just where do you think
you are going to find a lawyer?"
Two nuns were outside the convent selling cookies.
One of them is known as Sister Fret
and the other is known as Sister Logic.
It is getting dark and
they are still far from the convent.
"Have you noticed," said Sister Logic.
"that a man has been following us?"
"Yes, I wonder what he wants," said Sister Fret.
"It is only logical to conclude
that he wants to rape us," said Sister Logic.
"Oh, no! At this pace," cried Sister Fret.
"He will reach us in 15 minutes!"
"The only logical thing to do," said Sister Logic
"is to start walking faster."
"It is not working!" Whimpered Sister Fret.
"It is only logical that the man
is walking faster," said Sister Logic.
"At this pace," cried Sister Fret,
"he will reach us in less than a minute!"
"The only logical thing to do is for us
to split up," said Sister Logic.
"You go that way and I will go this way.
He cannot follow both of us."
The man decided to go after Sister Logic.
Sister Fret arrived at the convent later
and became anxious because
Sister Logic has not arrived yet.
Finally, Sister Logic arrived, calm and serene.
"Thank God you are here!" cried Sister Fret.
"Can you tell us what happened?"
"Most certainly," said Sister Logic.
�Since it was logical the man
could not follow both, he came after me.
I ran as fast as I could
and logically, the man ran as fast as he could."
"Oh, no!" said Sister Fret. "What happened then?"
"The only logical thing," said Sister Logic. "He caught me."
"What on earth did you do?" Asked Sister Fret.
"I did the only logical thing to do," said Sister Logic.
"I lifted my dress up."
"Oh Sister!" gasped Sister Fret. "What did the man do?"
"He did the only logical thing," said Sister Logic.
"He pulled his pants down."
"Saints preserve us!" cried Sister Fret. "What happened then?"
"Now, Sister, is it not logical," said Sister Logic.
"that a nun with her dress up runs much faster
than a man with his pants down."
~#*@&%>?~
A young man traded his lawnmower for a preacher�s bike.
Shortly afterward, the young man
was riding through the neighborhood
and noticed the preacher in his front yard
pulling on the lawnmower starter cord.
"How�s it going, Preacher?" Called the young man.
"Not too good," the preacher said.
"I have been pulling on this starter cord
for the better part of 30 minutes with no luck at all!"
"I forgot to tell you, preacher," said the young man.
"You have to cuss it a little."
"Oh dear no," said the preacher.
"I have forgotten all I ever knew
about cussing when I became a preacher!"
"Just keep pulling on that cord, preacher!"
The young man said.
"It�ll all come back to you!"
Jesus was strolling on a village street one day
when a beautiful young woman brushed by him
and collapsed against a nearby wall.
"Stone Her! Stone her!" Cried an angry crowd
converging on the helpless woman.
"What has she done?"
Jesus asked as he moved
between the young woman and the angry crowd.
"Adultry! She has committed adultry!" Came the reply.
"Let one of you who is without sin cast the first stone."
Jesus said holding out a single stone.
One attractive, middle aged woman
stepped forward and took the stone from his hand.
Jesus looked at her sternly,
"Mother! You are really beginning to get on my nerves!
Danny Ventura, a notorious womanizer,
died and went straight to hell.
Satan shook his hand welcoming him to the underworld,
and led him down a long hallway with many doors.
" Here we are," he said and opened the door
to a spacious, luxuriously furnished room
with all the creature comforts one could imagine,
and many beautiful girls.
"This is where you will spend eternity.
Anything you want just ask for it."
Danny was that much surprised at his good fortune,
and thanked Satan as the door closed
behind the departing Prince of Darkness.
Several days later, Satan returned to the room
to inquire about Danny's circumstances.
"Everything is just great," Danny said.
"Except every time I reach out
to touch one of the girls, she disappears!"
" Yes! I know, Danny Boy!" Satan smiled.
"That's the hell of it!"
Father Paul was strolling about heaven with Jesus
one day when they looked down on
an immense golf course in county Cork in Ireland.
"Just look at him, will you!" Father Paul exclaimed.
"There is Father Clancey playing golf on Sunday again!
He knows it is against all the rules of the parrish,
and he has sneaked around
and gotten away with it for years!"
"Perhaps we should punish him," mused Jesus.
They continued to watch as Father Clancey proceeded
to play a perfect game of 18 hole-in-one shots!
"But..but..." sputtered Father Paul.
"You've let him play a perfect game,
an impossible, perfect game!"
"Yes, Paul," said Jesus.
"But just who is he going to tell?"
Preacher Bryan was weaving from side to side
while driving down the road
when Officer Duffey pulled him over.
"Reverend, is everything okay?"
Duffey said as he peered into the car.
"Sure," said Preacher Bryan. " I'm just a little tired."
The officer spotted a bottle
in the front seat beside Preacher Bryan.
"What's that?" The officer asked.
"Oh, just a bottle of water."
"Better let me see it."
Preacher Bryan handed him the bottle,
and the officer unscrewed the cap.
"Reverend!" Duffey exclaimed. "This is wine!"
"Praise the Lord!" Preacher Bryan cried.
"He's done it again!"
THE REVEREND�S WIFE
TELLS ABOUT HER DAY
The other day I went to town where I saw a
"Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker.
I bought it and put it
on the back bumper of my car.
I am really glad that I did,
because a
very uplifting experience followed.
I was stopped at the light
on a very busy business intersection,
lost in thought I didn�t notice
that the light changed.
That bumper sticker really worked!
I found lots of people who love Jesus!
Why the fellow just in back of me
started to blow like crazy!
He must really love Jesus
because pretty soon he leaned
out his window and yelled
"Jesus Christ!" as loud as he could.
It was like a football game
with him shouting
�Go, Jesus, Go!�
Everyone else started honking too,
so I leaned out my window and waved
and smiled to all those lovely people.
There must have been a fellow
from Florida back there
because I could hear him yelling
something about a sunny beach.
And I saw him waving a funny way
with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I had recently asked my boys what that meant.
They kind of squirmed,
looked at each other,
giggled a lot and told me
it was the Hawaiian good luck sign.
So remembering that
I leaned out my window
and gave him the good luck sign back.
A couple of people were so caught up
in the joy of the moment
that they got out of their cars
and were walking toward me.
I bet they wanted to pray,
but just then I noticed the light
had changed and I stepped on the gas.
It�s a good thing I did,
because I was the only car
to get across the intersection.
I looked back at them standing there.
I leaned out the window,
gave them a big smile
and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign
one more time as I drove away.
My goodness! Such wonderful folks!
I took the day off work to play golf.
I was on my way to the second hole
when I noticed this frog sitting on green.
I was about to swing when I heard,
"Gribbitt, 9 iron!"
I look around and saw no one.
I looked at the frog, grabbed the 9 iron and Swack!
I hit the ball 10 inches from the cup!
Wow! That is amazing! You must be a lucky frog!
The frog said, "Gribbitt, lucky frog!"
I decide to take the frog with me for luck.
By the end of the day, with the frog�s tips
I had played the best game of golf of my life.
I picked up my lucky frog and headed for Las Vegas
to the nearest roulette table.
What do you think, Frog?
The frog replied, "Gribbitt, 3000 on the black 6!"
Whammo! Tons of cash come sliding across the table!
I took my winnings and bought the best room in the hotel.
Frog, I said setting it down on the night table.
how do I ever repay you?
And the frog said "Gribbitt, kiss me!"
And I thought, sure! Why not?
So I kissed the frog
and it turned into a lovely young girl.
And that, your honor, is precisely
"how that 15 year old girl got in my room!"
Your sense of humor
will pull you through the bad times!MORE TO COME!
![]()
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One of them is known as Sister Fret
and the other is known as Sister Logic.
It is getting dark and
they are still far from the convent.
"Have you noticed," said Sister Logic.
"that a man has been following us?"
"Yes, I wonder what he wants," said Sister Fret.
"It is only logical to conclude
that he wants to rape us," said Sister Logic.
"Oh, no! At this pace," cried Sister Fret.
"He will reach us in 15 minutes!"
"The only logical thing to do," said Sister Logic
"is to start walking faster."
"It is not working!" Whimpered Sister Fret.
"It is only logical that the man
is walking faster," said Sister Logic.
"At this pace," cried Sister Fret,
"he will reach us in less than a minute!"
"The only logical thing to do is for us
to split up," said Sister Logic.
"You go that way and I will go this way.
He cannot follow both of us."
The man decided to go after Sister Logic.
Sister Fret arrived at the convent later
and became anxious because
Sister Logic has not arrived yet.
Finally, Sister Logic arrived, calm and serene.
"Thank God you are here!" cried Sister Fret.
"Can you tell us what happened?"
"Most certainly," said Sister Logic.
�Since it was logical the man
could not follow both, he came after me.
I ran as fast as I could
and logically, the man ran as fast as he could."
"Oh, no!" said Sister Fret. "What happened then?"
"The only logical thing," said Sister Logic. "He caught me."
"What on earth did you do?" Asked Sister Fret.
"I did the only logical thing to do," said Sister Logic.
"I lifted my dress up."
"Oh Sister!" gasped Sister Fret. "What did the man do?"
"He did the only logical thing," said Sister Logic.
"He pulled his pants down."
"Saints preserve us!" cried Sister Fret. "What happened then?"
"Now, Sister, is it not logical," said Sister Logic.
"that a nun with her dress up runs much faster
than a man with his pants down."
~#*@&%>?~
A young man traded his lawnmower for a preacher�s bike.
Shortly afterward, the young man
was riding through the neighborhood
and noticed the preacher in his front yard
pulling on the lawnmower starter cord.
"How�s it going, Preacher?" Called the young man.
"Not too good," the preacher said.
"I have been pulling on this starter cord
for the better part of 30 minutes with no luck at all!"
"I forgot to tell you, preacher," said the young man.
"You have to cuss it a little."
"Oh dear no," said the preacher.
"I have forgotten all I ever knew
about cussing when I became a preacher!"
"Just keep pulling on that cord, preacher!"
The young man said.
"It�ll all come back to you!"
when a beautiful young woman brushed by him
and collapsed against a nearby wall.
"Stone Her! Stone her!" Cried an angry crowd
converging on the helpless woman.
"What has she done?"
Jesus asked as he moved
between the young woman and the angry crowd.
"Adultry! She has committed adultry!" Came the reply.
"Let one of you who is without sin cast the first stone."
Jesus said holding out a single stone.
One attractive, middle aged woman
stepped forward and took the stone from his hand.
Jesus looked at her sternly,
"Mother! You are really beginning to get on my nerves!
Danny Ventura, a notorious womanizer,
died and went straight to hell.
Satan shook his hand welcoming him to the underworld,
and led him down a long hallway with many doors.
" Here we are," he said and opened the door
to a spacious, luxuriously furnished room
with all the creature comforts one could imagine,
and many beautiful girls.
"This is where you will spend eternity.
Anything you want just ask for it."
Danny was that much surprised at his good fortune,
and thanked Satan as the door closed
behind the departing Prince of Darkness.
Several days later, Satan returned to the room
to inquire about Danny's circumstances.
"Everything is just great," Danny said.
"Except every time I reach out
to touch one of the girls, she disappears!"
" Yes! I know, Danny Boy!" Satan smiled.
"That's the hell of it!"
Father Paul was strolling about heaven with Jesus
one day when they looked down on
an immense golf course in county Cork in Ireland.
"Just look at him, will you!" Father Paul exclaimed.
"There is Father Clancey playing golf on Sunday again!
He knows it is against all the rules of the parrish,
and he has sneaked around
and gotten away with it for years!"
"Perhaps we should punish him," mused Jesus.
They continued to watch as Father Clancey proceeded
to play a perfect game of 18 hole-in-one shots!
"But..but..." sputtered Father Paul.
"You've let him play a perfect game,
an impossible, perfect game!"
"Yes, Paul," said Jesus.
"But just who is he going to tell?"
Preacher Bryan was weaving from side to side
while driving down the road
when Officer Duffey pulled him over.
"Reverend, is everything okay?"
Duffey said as he peered into the car.
"Sure," said Preacher Bryan. " I'm just a little tired."
The officer spotted a bottle
in the front seat beside Preacher Bryan.
"What's that?" The officer asked.
"Oh, just a bottle of water."
"Better let me see it."
Preacher Bryan handed him the bottle,
and the officer unscrewed the cap.
"Reverend!" Duffey exclaimed. "This is wine!"
"Praise the Lord!" Preacher Bryan cried.
"He's done it again!"
THE REVEREND�S WIFE
TELLS ABOUT HER DAY
The other day I went to town where I saw a
"Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker.
I bought it and put it
on the back bumper of my car.
I am really glad that I did,
because a
very uplifting experience followed.
I was stopped at the light
on a very busy business intersection,
lost in thought I didn�t notice
that the light changed.
That bumper sticker really worked!
I found lots of people who love Jesus!
Why the fellow just in back of me
started to blow like crazy!
He must really love Jesus
because pretty soon he leaned
out his window and yelled
"Jesus Christ!" as loud as he could.
It was like a football game
with him shouting
�Go, Jesus, Go!�
Everyone else started honking too,
so I leaned out my window and waved
and smiled to all those lovely people.
There must have been a fellow
from Florida back there
because I could hear him yelling
something about a sunny beach.
And I saw him waving a funny way
with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I had recently asked my boys what that meant.
They kind of squirmed,
looked at each other,
giggled a lot and told me
it was the Hawaiian good luck sign.
So remembering that
I leaned out my window
and gave him the good luck sign back.
A couple of people were so caught up
in the joy of the moment
that they got out of their cars
and were walking toward me.
I bet they wanted to pray,
but just then I noticed the light
had changed and I stepped on the gas.
It�s a good thing I did,
because I was the only car
to get across the intersection.
I looked back at them standing there.
I leaned out the window,
gave them a big smile
and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign
one more time as I drove away.
My goodness! Such wonderful folks!
I took the day off work to play golf.
I was on my way to the second hole
when I noticed this frog sitting on green.
I was about to swing when I heard,
"Gribbitt, 9 iron!"
I look around and saw no one.
I looked at the frog, grabbed the 9 iron and Swack!
I hit the ball 10 inches from the cup!
Wow! That is amazing! You must be a lucky frog!
The frog said, "Gribbitt, lucky frog!"
I decide to take the frog with me for luck.
By the end of the day, with the frog�s tips
I had played the best game of golf of my life.
I picked up my lucky frog and headed for Las Vegas
to the nearest roulette table.
What do you think, Frog?
The frog replied, "Gribbitt, 3000 on the black 6!"
Whammo! Tons of cash come sliding across the table!
I took my winnings and bought the best room in the hotel.
Frog, I said setting it down on the night table.
how do I ever repay you?
And the frog said "Gribbitt, kiss me!"
And I thought, sure! Why not?
So I kissed the frog
and it turned into a lovely young girl.
And that, your honor, is precisely
"how that 15 year old girl got in my room!"
Your sense of humor
will pull you through the bad times!MORE TO COME!
![]()
BACK TO MAIN PAGE
TELLS ABOUT HER DAY
The other day I went to town where I saw a
"Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker.
I bought it and put it
on the back bumper of my car.
I am really glad that I did,
because a
very uplifting experience followed.
I was stopped at the light
on a very busy business intersection,
lost in thought I didn�t notice
that the light changed.
That bumper sticker really worked!
I found lots of people who love Jesus!
Why the fellow just in back of me
started to blow like crazy!
He must really love Jesus
because pretty soon he leaned
out his window and yelled
"Jesus Christ!" as loud as he could.
It was like a football game
with him shouting
�Go, Jesus, Go!�
Everyone else started honking too,
so I leaned out my window and waved
and smiled to all those lovely people.
There must have been a fellow
from Florida back there
because I could hear him yelling
something about a sunny beach.
And I saw him waving a funny way
with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I had recently asked my boys what that meant.
They kind of squirmed,
looked at each other,
giggled a lot and told me
it was the Hawaiian good luck sign.
So remembering that
I leaned out my window
and gave him the good luck sign back.
A couple of people were so caught up
in the joy of the moment
that they got out of their cars
and were walking toward me.
I bet they wanted to pray,
but just then I noticed the light
had changed and I stepped on the gas.
It�s a good thing I did,
because I was the only car
to get across the intersection.
I looked back at them standing there.
I leaned out the window,
gave them a big smile
and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign
one more time as I drove away.
My goodness! Such wonderful folks!
I took the day off work to play golf.
I was on my way to the second hole
when I noticed this frog sitting on green.
I was about to swing when I heard,
"Gribbitt, 9 iron!"
I look around and saw no one.
I looked at the frog, grabbed the 9 iron and Swack!
I hit the ball 10 inches from the cup!
Wow! That is amazing! You must be a lucky frog!
The frog said, "Gribbitt, lucky frog!"
I decide to take the frog with me for luck.
By the end of the day, with the frog�s tips
I had played the best game of golf of my life.
I picked up my lucky frog and headed for Las Vegas
to the nearest roulette table.
What do you think, Frog?
The frog replied, "Gribbitt, 3000 on the black 6!"
Whammo! Tons of cash come sliding across the table!
I took my winnings and bought the best room in the hotel.
Frog, I said setting it down on the night table.
how do I ever repay you?
And the frog said "Gribbitt, kiss me!"
And I thought, sure! Why not?
So I kissed the frog
and it turned into a lovely young girl.
And that, your honor, is precisely
"how that 15 year old girl got in my room!"
will pull you through the bad times!
MORE TO COME!